In my last post, I promised some discussion on the emotional changes I have experienced over the past fortnight. It sounds dramatic I guess, but when food, in particular sugar, holds such a prevalence in your life, there's going to be some emotional upheaval when quitting it.
Here's the thing. I am missing sugar. I'm mourning for it. I see people eating delicious foods and I'm jealous. I'm almost dreaming of soft drink.I go to the cupboard for a snack and feel disappointed that I can't chomp into some dried apricots, or pour myself a bowl of cereal. I hate anyone drinking Pepsi and chai lattes.
But they are all very very brief moments. Brief moments.
In general, I'm feeling empowered. I feel incredibly in control of my foods. Foods are not controlling me. I think about what I eat, I think about why I am eating it.
I feel less anxious. A lot less anxious. With food as my master I was constantly seeking out my next "hit". Food is much less of a focus. So I'm free to focus on other things. Myself, household chores, the kids...
I'm a better mum. In so many ways. I feel like I have so much more patience for the kids. My addiction to sugar was creating a hidden agenda and hence putting strain on the relationship with my children. I'd be anxious to get to the supermarket or cafe - so I could buy myself some sort of sugary treat. I'd be anxious to get Master 4 and Miss 2 occupied so I could eat said sugar treat. If a supermarket or cafe trip was inconvenient, I'd be anxious to bake something, and baking with two little ones creates a whole lot of anxiousness in itself, especially for a wee-bit-of-a control freak like myself.
I'm a better mum because I am setting a better example. At our mothers group earlier this week, my fellow mum and host for the morning baked brownies (are you friggen kidding me?!? She knows I'm off sugar, so I can only presume she was trying to boycott me. Top stuff.). My kids are renowned for being stationed permanently at the kids morning tea table and then sniffing around the "mums" morning tea plate. My kids didn't pester me for a brownie once. I can presume that because they hadn't seen me eating, it didn't set of their little "I want some too" alarm bells.
(On a side note, I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was to stop myself from having a deliciously decadent chocolatey brownie. I literally turned on a little voice in my head that said "do not make eye contact with the brownie"!!)
I'd be lying if I said this has been all smooth sailing. In fact, part way through week 3 I feel like this is a fairly monumental time. The novelty of quitting sugar has worn off, the new sugar free foods are starting to become boring. Now it's just me. And 5 weeks ahead. But those tough times are again, just moments. Just tough little moments.
Over all, I will continue to feel empowered. In control. Relaxed. Proud. Healthy.